My Introduction to the Mommy Club

IMG_8878 copyWhen I stepped into the beautiful and sacred world of motherhood, I was introduced to many new things.

First of all, I was introduced to a love like no other that engulfs a mother when the new babe is put into her arms. I knew I would love my children, but I didn’t even imagine the extent and depth of that love. My love and appreciation for my own parents grew even deeper, as I became a parent myself. I am so thankful to be a Mama and I couldn’t be happier.

Nathaniel-1-2 copyHowever, I was also quickly introduced to the “Mommy Club” and my rose colored glasses of this group of women quickly shattered.

My husband and I were on the outskirts of the parenting club for 8 years of our marriage, since we weren’t able to conceive after losing our first daughter until our miracle pregnancy of our son, Nathaniel. We had a brief glimpse of this parenting club when we were foster parents for a year, but even then we were treated slightly differently.

I had all these fairytale-like notions that mothers were the most supportive group of people in the world. After all, mothers are the most loving, caring backbone of the family. Mothers have such a fierce love for their children, they willingly sacrifice anything and everything for the well-being of their offspring.

What I very quickly learned though, I am still somewhat hesitant to write about. I’m nervous to even put these thoughts into written words.

Mothers as a group can sometimes be very judgy and critical of each other. Ouch. That hurts to acknowledge. But the fact is, I’ve seen these Mommy opinion wars in so many variations, especially online.

Everyone is so passionate to share their opinion of how others should raise their own children. I’ve since come to the conclusion that no matter how hard you try, no matter what choices you make in raising your children, you will always be judged and criticized by someone.

I will share a few examples.

There are some really strong opinions about breastfeeding.

I was absolutely THRILLED when I started breastfeeding my son.

I was absolutely THRILLED when I started breastfeeding my son.

I had to stop breastfeeding my son when he was just a month and I’m usually hesitant to share this information because I just don’t want to get into a debate about it. In my case, I was losing a scary amount of weight because of the breastfeeding and even had to get TPN (a nutrition that you get intravenously) because I could not get enough nutrients no matter how much I ate. I was on TPN for months after I gave birth, just because I lost so much weight. I was literally skin and bones. I also developed a central line infection and had to be on IV antibiotics, so I had to stop breastfeeding because of that too. I know many mothers struggle so hard with breastfeeding, but breastfeeding bullies are so opinionated and passionate about their campaign for breastfeeding, that they think mothers should kill themselves before they stop breastfeeding. They probably don’t take into considerations that there are many factors that go into making a decision to formula feed your baby. Even though it was the right decision for me to stop breastfeeding my son, I was really wracked with guilt that I stopped and I definitely didn’t need to hear other people add to my own doubts with their strong opinions.

motherhood club-1-3There are so many reasons why not everyone is able to breastfeed or doesn’t choose to breastfeed. Most of the time, it’s actually for the benefit of the baby. Either the child can’t digest breast milk, or the mother’s health or sanity is in danger. Maybe giving up breast feeding helps a mother to have one less area of stress in her life. Some people make breastfeeding their private campaign and blast it all over the place, making so many women feel guilty and inadequate.

Of course, I would have loved to breast feed my baby until he was at least a year old. The benefits of breastfeeding are incredible, and I totally get it. Plus, it’s free! Formula is expensive. If you are breastfeeding advocate, please don’t make assumptions why someone else isn’t doing it, especially when it’s someone you don’t even know very well.

That’s only scratching the surface though. Just on the subject of breastfeeding, there are different opinions on what is the right way to do it, and those who choose to formula feed have differing opinions on what type of formula you should use.

People who gave birth naturally, without any pain medication, judge those who used epidurals, and especially those who, GASP!, had a c-section. As if the way you gave birth has anything to do with what sort of mother you are. The women who choose to have epidurals may not understand why some women wouldn’t want to use some pain relief. Nathaniel-1-12From listening to many natural birth mommies, you would think that those who had c-section are wimps and can’t take a little pain. Guess what? Most c-sections are performed for a very important reason, for the health and safety of the child and the mother, not to avoid labor. I wish I could explain to you how hard it is to recover after a c-section; it is a surgery after all. There are so much more complications after c-sections than vaginal deliveries. There’s a reason why most hospitals policies have a shorter stay for a vaginal delivery than a  c-section – because it takes longer to heal.

I had two c-sections and many other surgeries. I can tell you that you’ll be numb for years before that scar starts to get soft and feel normal again. I could care less about scars, but that’s just another fact of the matter. Yes, a natural delivery can be very difficult, painful and traumatizing, but a c-section isn’t exactly a walk in the park either.

No matter how you gave birth, it’s a beautiful, many times difficult, but all the while AMAZING experience. Let’s not cheapen that moment with useless comparisons.

  • IMG_3843.JPG copyWorking mothers criticize stay at home moms, thinking that they are lazy and just chill at home all day long, or are uneducated.
  • Stay at home moms criticize working mothers, saying that they are selfish and think more about their own careers than about their own children. (I’ve been on both spectrums, so I know.)
  • There’s differing opinions on when to start babies on solid foods, how to introduce it to them, and what is the proper food to feed them.
  • Vaccinations are a huge beast in itself. I don’t even want to go there.

No matter what you do, you will be wrong in someone else’s eyes. If you are a new Mommy, don’t take to heart the opinions of others. No matter what choices you make, you will make someone unhappy. No matter how hard you try, you can’t please everyone.

I love social media and I think technology is great, but I think in a way, it makes motherhood even harder. All of a sudden we are bombarded by so much conflicting information. Back in the day of our parents and grandparents, you did what you thought was best and you were mainly cocooned in your own family life. Now, we see a lot more into the lives of other families, and it makes us question our own judgment.

I often wonder where all this criticism and judgment comes from. My personal opinion is that it stems from our own insecurities and fears. I will be the first to admit that there is so much I don’t know about raising children and the longer I am a mother, the more I realize how much I still have to learn. IMG_8931 copyI think the fear of making a mistake gives us a false sense of wanting to lash out and defend our decisions. I think that mothers are so passionate in their opinions because they deeply love their children and try so hard to do the best they possibly can. Unfortunately, instead of being vulnerable with each other, we think it’s ok to snap at those with different opinions. Since we are so passionate about our own decisions, we are also very sensitive if someone tells us they think we are doing something wrong.

There is no one I love more than my child and I would make all sacrifices for his benefit. I know that other mothers are also so passionate about their children have the deepest devotion for their children. Women are usually by nature so warm, nurturing and tender, except when they interact with other mothers. Then the claws come out. Of course, I have seen the best examples of women who are supportive and encouraging to one another and I admire them even more than I did before. However, I am talking about the general crowd here. (If you’re part of any mommy groups on FB or read any Mommy posts online, you probably know exactly what I mean. Just scroll through the comments.)

Let’s be kind and caring to one another. We all love our children so much and I’m sure we don’t reach decisions lightly. IMG_7822 2 copyWe do our research, we weigh different options, we take into consideration what we hear from people we trust. When we reach decisions, they are with the best intentions for our families. Let’s not feel the need to insert our opinions very strongly everywhere, whether it’s asked or not. If someone truly wants to know what you think, they will ask you. Otherwise, you aren’t likely to change their mind anyway.

Most of my siblings have children of their own and we all have different parenting styles. That doesn’t mean I can’t respect the choices that they make and LOVE them unconditionally and choose not to butt my nose into their business.

Let’s try to see things from other mothers’ point of view. For example, messy house vs clean house mamas. Instead of looking down on one because her house isn’t up to your standards, let’s admire the things that the mother is choosing to do instead of clean, like spend time with their children and do lots of fun outings, crafts and playtime. Or taking some time for herself, which is extremely important. Instead of criticizing the mom who cleans her house, let’s admire the fact that she finds the time to make her surroundings tidy and instills the value of hard work and neatness into her children. Everybody is different, we all have different strengths and different needs. I’ll bet the mom who has a clean house does it for her own sanity more than she’s doing it to show off. Keeping a clean house with kids is very hard. No matter how much you clean, as soon as you let your kids loose, it will be a mess again. The moms that realize that sometimes you have to take a deep breath, look past the dishes, step over the toys and go outside to clear your head, shouldn’t be judged either. You see, we can do this in every situation. Even if you don’t agree with some mothers, realize that we are all different and that doesn’t make one worse than the other.

If you choose to buy organic groceries and cook from scratch, please don’t bash other mothers who have different priorities and make brownies from the box or get take out. thumb_IMG_9863_1024 copyThe children have loving, caring parents in both cases, not based on what kind of groceries they buy. Please don’t feel the need to write comments like “you’re poisoning your children if you use this or that” or “Well, I wish I had so much money to waste on organic food.”

Let’s build each other up, not tear each other down. Let’s join forces, and be as caring to other mommies as we are to our own families. Let’s respect each other’s opinions and lovingly encourage and support one another.

After all, we are nurturers. We are mothers.motherhood club-1

68 Comments

  • Victoria

    Amazing! Thank you for this post, Olga! Thank you for putting it straight up forward, courageously, and honestly how it really is! May the Lord bless you and your family!! ❤

  • alena

    Great and amazing post but I feel like there are still stubborn people out there who don’t care and stick there noses into everyone’s business no matter how you tell them . The best thing to do is ignore it forgive and go on !

    • olgak7

      Thank you, Alena. Yes, there are some people who are very rude and just don’t care that they are hurting others, but I think many of them are just ignorant and don’t realize that they are being hurtful.
      But it’s also important not to take things too much to heart and make the best decisions for your own family.

  • Viktoriya

    Olga, I love your honesty and strength to say what you think just the way it is. I agree i think women can be very judgmental and sometime very hurtful to one another. Motherhood is a great privileged maybe we all have our own opinions but we also have our own stories so lets just be respectful and kind to others as we don’t know what hardships others had endured in their lives.

    • olgak7

      I love that you said that motherhood is a privilege! That’s exactly how I look at it. Thank you for taking the time to write, Viktoriya.

  • Olena@iFOODreal

    True that, Olya! And unfortunately Eastern European moms are the worst!!! They always seem to stick their nose into someone else’s business and loudly express their opinion about your parenting. No tact and pure rudeness. “Oh, your 3 year old isn’t potty trained?! OMG your kids don’t speak Russian?! Your kids don’t go to Russian school?!”. And a lecture how bad and wrong it is goes on and on and on. The rudest moms I ever met (not all but majority) which completely killed my desire to be a part of Russian/Ukrainian community. And if you are not religious (which I am not) you will hear about that a million times. You know, I respect your choice, please respect mine. That doesn’t make me a worse human being than you are. As powerful and inspiring as equally mean and evil a group of women can be. I have very few close to me and not too close. Judge me all you can but this is my experience and life. Life is to short to live it like someone else wants you to live it. Screw that!!!

    • olgak7

      I’m so sorry you had such a bad experience with other mommies.
      I’ve also learned that you don’t need to be surrounded by a whole group of people, the few that are true friends are gems and they are all that really matters.
      I love that you said that “life is too short to live it someone else wants you to live it”.

    • Christina

      Dear Olena

      You post made me laugh, East European mums aren’t the best like this, are they. More or less the same here in UK (except for the religion bit, which is not that big, in my experience, not in London, anyhow) , loads of putting down of other mums individually and English mums generally. It is a bit sad and quite embarrassing, because , I agree with Olga, it must stem out of some kind of personal / national inadequacy or sorts. Also, on practical level, it’s tricky, too, if you don’t play ball, all you ever do is trying to change the subject, which eventually gets people’s back up a bit. As per forums , etc, some English mums are up to exactly the same tricks, just more subtly, it seems. It’s good to have posts like Olga’s to stop us women from automatically falling into this habit of bizarre competition, just to stop and think for a second, take a fresh look!

  • Anita

    Have no fear. Listen to your gut and keep doing whats right for you and your baby according to your instincts. You are doing a great job. This is the advice I give any mommy I talk to. So many moms just need to hear that they are doing great and the amount of criticism any one given mom has to take is truly staggering. Thank you Olga, for being a mom who chooses to say something nice. Too few of those. Lets keep it up! If any one reads my comment I would encourage you to start being a person who says a nice thing to a mom. It is very appreciated, believe me. I speak from experience. Be blessed.

    • olgak7

      Thank you for being an encouraging Mama, Anita. I think if more of us stood up and were encouragers, it would be a better world out there. At least we can play a positive role in the lives of the people around us and teach our children to be positive, encouraging people too.

  • Julia

    Thankyou for such a great post. I had taste of what u have been talking about also. I also had 3 c sections in 2years 2 months and couldn’t breastfeed a single one for health reasons. All the negative comments made it harder to accept Gods will humbly and made me compare myself with all the other mamas. With Gods grace and lots of prayer I was able to get past it and move on. I’m grateful to be alive but learned a valuable lesson to never judge because God has a special plan for every mama and he little ones. We mamas are called to encourage each other and lend a hand to each other.

    • olgak7

      I’m sorry you had some difficult situations in life, but it seems like it made you stronger and wiser:). It’s so awesome when we can grow and become wiser from experience instead of bitter and foolish. Since I’ve had a rather “abnormal” life, with so many things happening, I really don’t care what others think, since I know that they don’t know the whole story. As long as I am connected to God, He will guide me and He gives me peace about the decisions I make. I hope that we as mothers can be a helping hand and support for each other. As I became a mother myself, I want to try to always encourage other mothers, even if they are not making the same choices I make and respect them because we all have different circumstances, different families and different lives. Thank you for your input, Julia.

    • olgak7

      Thank you so much for the kind words, Galya. I am always learning and growing. I hope to be like some of the people that I look up to, that are always encouraging and uplifting.

  • Alyona

    Thank you for your beautiful heart and courage to speak up. Even though I am not a mom, but raising a brother and being a nanny for years I can relate. Now this encouragement to build each other up is applicable in everyday life with your friends, coworkers and people around you. Your post spoke profoundly into my life and current struggles. Wish you to persevere:)
    Blessings!

    • olgak7

      Absolutely, Alyona. It’s so encouraging to be positive and to be a source of encouragement for others, not bringing them down. People are so drawn to people who are happy and encouraging. I’m so glad you enjoyed this post.

  • Luda

    Olga, this is so on point! The constant debates about literally EVERYTHING is quite annoying. Every mom needs to realize she’s doing the best she can for her family and nobody else’s opinion should matter. I’m so glad you shared this post! Thanks!

    • olgak7

      Yes! That’s one of the reasons why I don’t often share the choices I make for my family. I don’t need to ask the opinions of strangers of whether or not I should vaccinate my child, is it ok to use formula, what kind of food I should buy, etc. If I really don’t know something, I will do the research myself or ask people in my life whom I love and trust, not a random Mommy Group.

  • lana

    Everything that has been laying on my heart heavily lately, you put into words so beautifully.
    Instead of mothers bringing each other up they pull each other down with their judgemental opinions.

    Thank you

    • olgak7

      Hopefully, mothers as a group will someday learn to be more uplifting or at least not participate in bashing others:). Thank you for your kind words, Lana.

  • Valentin @Valentina's Corner

    Beautifully written and oh so true! Blessings to your family..😊😊 Keep these kinds of posts coming..☺

  • Cyella

    I just want to say that most moms are simply lonely and isolated. When moms have small kids they are extremely sleep deprived and don’t get out much of their routine. That means that moms sometimes say their opinions because they simply want to talk to someone. They also want to be acknowledged for their work. Frankly being a mother is extremely thankless job. The same time moms who listen to others take things way too personal and new opinions are overwhelming to them. My suggestion is to use less social media and make friends with all kind of people not just moms or from the same culture.
    Unfortunately the social pressure is extreme and one has to be strong inside to withstand it . I am a mother of three kids. I already passed the babies stage, now I am faced with other challenges , like should my 10 year old get a cell phone ? It never ends …..
    It seems Olga, you already know what is best for your family. God bless you ! You are a great mother.

    • olgak7

      I completely agree with you, Cyella. I’ve also noticed that many mothers are lonely and feel isolated, like you said. That’s why it’s so important to have some positive people in your life who can lift you up and encourage you. Social media and the internet is great, but it will never take the place of real life relationships. I am so thankful for the family and friends that I have in my life and I wish that all women would have that also.

      • Cyella

        You are right, it is very important to have relationship with real life people :-).
        I also wanted to add that all internet comments ( uplifting or criticizing ) should not be taken to heart. Internet comments that are super nice may not be true or genuine therefore these comments inflate someone’s perception of themselves. Negative internet comments just make people feel “bad about themselves” . I got this perspective from one of the mom’s blogs. I truly believe that all internet comments are just that comments , not reflection of real -life situation or your true self.

  • Ludmila

    Personally, I agree with many points you have made. I have seven children. Two of them were natural births and five were c-section deliveries, thus, I have been on both sides. All deliveries, no matter the differences, made me a mother one more time! All of my children are unique. Therefore, I have to utilize “different techniques/ approaches” with regard to every child of mine. I have formula fed and still breastfeeding my youngest (10 months). The age, gender, temperament are all diffirent, thus require a special approach and relations. I have been on both ends of spectrum for many areas you have mentioned. And I finally came to understand, we are all different because we are not robots. We should celebrate the uniqueness, starting with our own individuality. Be open-minded and utilize what fits for our individual situation. There are no baby manuals that we can refer to. Therefore, it’s a hit or miss for every stage in being a mommy. And we are all learning until we pass. Thank you for a great article, for the honesty. Keep learning and adjusting, relying on God’s directive to get us through!

    • olgak7

      Very well put, Ludmilla. All children are unique and so are families and each parent is different too, with different needs, different opinions, different strengths and weaknesses. The best part of having a relationship with God is that He will guide our decisions and give us direction.

  • Tatyana

    Olga, I completely agree with you. We, as mothers, should be empowering, supporting and encouraging each other no matter what the circumstances are. I ,like you, was a working mother (7 years) and currently am a stay at home mom, which I totally enjoy, but definitely not what I expected it to be. What I notice the most is that whenever there is an article shared to promote breastfeeding, moms who could not nurse for one or the other reason get offended, which is not the purpose of the article to begin with. For example, if I cannot afford all organic produce and someone posts an article about the importance of buying organic, I honestly, don’t get offended because I know it’s beyond my abilities, all I can do is pray for my food. Now, if I could buy all organic and just ignore all the warning signs, then it’s on me. Breastfeeding mothers need as much support as any mother because every time she makes a conscious decision to breastfeed and/or pump. With first two children I was pumping at work and I wanted to quit almost everyday. I rarely went anywhere because I had to plan on where I could feed my child (once spent 15 minutes in a public restroom with a 4 mth old, only for her to get distracted each time someone flushed, which was every 10 sec – she was still hungry and I had to give her formula even though my breast was hart as rock from needing to release and her sucking on it previously made it worse because my body thought it’s meal time and produced more milk). Anyways, I always believed that a mother would never knowingly hurt or do anything that harms her child. So, all we can do is just do our best and hope our best is enough.

    • olgak7

      There are so many challenges in motherhood, and we do the best with the information that we have and the resources that we have. I really enjoyed reading your input. Thank you, Tatyana.

  • Marina | Let the Baking Begin!

    Olga, it hurt my heart so much that that is what you have been experiencing being part of the mother club 🙁
    In my life, with different life circumstances I have been conditioned to not take close to heart opinions that contradict mine, so I guess I have been pretty oblivious to the opinionated bunch.
    What I have to say though, is that as much as I agree with your post, the people who have made other moms feel inadequate or not good enough in one way or another due to voicing their opposing opinions, most likely won’t change.
    With this being said, it is up to us to choose our circle of friends, to choose the social media groups we are part of, or the people that we are surrounded by. We have to guard our heart, our peace and our sanity. There are places or events that I do not attend, because I don’t appreciate their company; there are people I unfollowed on social media because they don’t promote my inner peace for one reason or another, and that’s ok! I do whatever I can do to take care of me, because no one will do that for me.
    Years ago, I stopped watching the news because everyday something crazy was happening, I couldn’t do anything about it, but it made my heart heavy. One day I realized that while I couldn’t do anything about fixing the world, I definitely could do something to protect my mind. Best decision ever, I tell ya lol.
    Anyway, blessings to you dear and don’t let anyone steal your joy. You’re the boss of your life and your choice!

    • Lana

      @Marina(Let the Baking Begin) — I totally get what you said. I have the same anxiety with the news, especially now that I have kids. And I avoid certain social functions because I don’t like to be around judgemental comments and looks, whispers and rumors, etc. We have so much to deal with in our own lives, that I don’t really want to deal with stressing over other’s opinions.
      My kids are all different …with different needs. And I must admit, I “knew” more about how to raise kids before I had my first one. Then everything went out the window and I realized just how ignorant and judgemental I was myself. God further worked in my heart when he sent me all kinds of battles in my own motherhood. While I wouldn’t want those struggles for anyone, I am glad I went through them because it helped me become conscientious and not judge others. If only we would learn more from other’s experiences, rather than have to go thru it ourselves to open our eyes. But God is good and merciful, and takes us on the right paths. 🙂

      • olgak7

        Thank you for sharing your experience, Lana. I agree that it’s important to choose the functions and social events that we attend and the people that we surround ourselves with.
        Experiences in life have a way of teaching us valuable lessons, don’t they? I’m sorry you went through some struggles, but you seem really wise and positive, which is very commendable.
        I have learned and grown through things that happened in my life and I am thankful for it.

    • olgak7

      I completely agree with you, Marina. I never watch the news for the exact same reason and I am a big believer in choosing the people that you surround yourself with. My experience with being a mom has been awesome and the people in my real life are very supportive and encouraging.
      The negative things I was talking about are things that I’ve heard from other mommies and from many, many outlets online, just because my life is somewhat public. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t care about what other people think,but I really wanted to voice all the things that I’ve seen and heard, especially in all the mommy groups, where mothers seek encouragement and ask questions, but instead are criticized and bashed. Today, with the internet, social media, blogs, videos, etc. there is an onslaught of information, and mommies all over the world look for a place to belong and to get support and interaction with other mothers. It’s so important to protect ourselves from negative influences, but we should also speak out for those who are maybe more vulnerable.
      You are such a strong, loving mother and I look up to you. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I really appreciate your input.

  • Tabitha

    Olga, you are right. I agree with all what was said. Your little one is so handsome. Love you website!!! Wish you the best with your health. Gods blessings to your family.

  • Barbara

    When I was mom with young children there was no internet or social media and nowadays I follow mainly blogs of other nature. I can honestly say I had no idea that such mommy groups existed where ideas are imposed and you are criticized however you do things. In Portugal they have a saying you are killed for having a dog and alao for not having one. I love your blog. Every page of it. The recipes the life episodes, the vídeos, the tone of your writing. And I thank you for sharing your life with me. And for not imposing gluten free, vegan, chickpea water inatead of eggwhites. And now I sill be criticized for writing this. Oh well. Such is lifw. Keep well. Trust your instinct. Love Barbara

    • olgak7

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Barbara. I am so glad that you are enjoying my blog.
      I loved your comment about the chickpea water, ha ha! Nope, this blog is definitely not going to be about telling people how to eat, just sharing the recipes that we love. I love healthy food A LOT, but only if it tastes GREAT first:).

  • Mariya

    Beautiful post!
    ☺ agree with you! ☺
    Wish there were more mothers thinking same way. before we say something think and think again if our words will help or hurt others

  • Shinee

    Aww, Olga, what a great post! Sorry to hear you’ve encountered so much criticism and judgement, entering such beautiful stage of life.

    I just became a mom 3 months ago and I totally know what you mean. But I don’t let other people’s opinion affect me. I do lots of research and make my own mind up, and if anyone offer an advise (that’s contradicting to my opinion), I try to be as gracious as I can and move on. And I’m sure you do too, but it’s hard not that judgement affect us even in a smallest way.

    When I was pregnant, I was determined to have all natural, med-free birth. But that’s not to look like I’m a brave person, or to prove that others are wimps. It was for me, to empower myself only. In labor though, I was so ready to accept epidural and even c-section, but somehow I was able to power through. And at the end, I was proud of myself and empowered, but I didn’t think of others any less, if they chose to go with an epidural or had to get a c-section.

    I wish people understand that everyone has a story and can’t follow the same path. I hope we all can respect our differences and support through thick and thin. Motherhood is such difficult job on its own, and we don’t need any additional pressure. Thanks for addressing such an important topic!

    • olgak7

      Congratulations, Shinee! Enjoy your first months with your little one; they are so precious. (Although as they get older, it’s just as precious, just in other ways.) I loved your story. It’s absolutely wonderful that everything worked out so well for you. Good for you, for staying strong and having the experience that you dreamed of.
      My experience is really awesome too, in a completely different way. I have incredible family and friends and everyone is so supportive and encouraging. The negativity for me comes from online, which I don’t take seriously anyway. The post was mostly a way for me to speak out for others, because I’ve seen many times how all of these things affect other mommies. I thought it would be good to shed some light not this subject and show that there are different reasons why people make different choices.
      Thank you so much for your sweet comment.

  • Natasha

    Olga, thank you for this awesome right on point post! You are a strong, wise & beautiful mama inside & out! May God bless your health, your family & your handsome baby boy! Keep doing what you are doing, you’re great at it! Completely agree with you & you inspire me a lot. Blessings to you 💋

  • Lena

    Exactly that 🙂
    My favorite saying is – be kind to others, they might be fighting a battle you know nothing about.
    Oh, and don’t forget potty training 🙂 no matter when and how you will decide to do it you will be criticized 🙂

    • olgak7

      I love that saying too, Lena. If we kept that in mind, it would help us be more gracious and kind.
      Potty training is only one of many others that I didn’t include:). The list seems to be endless, lol.

  • galya

    Olga, don’t pay attention to what anyone says. No matter what we do as mothers, there’ll always be someone judging us. What matters the most is that you have a beautiful son 🙂 May G-d bless him & your whole family.

    • olgak7

      I completely agree, Galya. I am so thankful for my son and I am very, VERY thankful for advanced medical care and for my c-section. I wouldn’t be able to be a mother without both. May God bless you too.

  • Olga T

    I completely agree with you on all these points. My girls now are 8 and 6 so I’m not on any mommy websites anymore, but back when I did it was insane. Seems like that hasn’t changed 🙁

  • Olga

    That’s the problem of today’s publicity and fake openness, when in fact most are comfortable in own cocoon. Having thousands of “friends “, we are feeling lonely… Spending hours chatting in online groups, we are being unable to have undivided quality time with real friend during lunch together, without constantly checking FB, IG and Twitter pages… Things changed drastically for the past 10 years. Sorry for the “off-topic” input.

  • Isis

    Hi!
    Wow that took courage to speak what many moms think. I agree we should celebrate each other for being a mother single handedly the hardest job in the world.
    I am a mom of two beautiful sons and when friends or strangers I meet are welcomed into parenthood this is my only advice to them:

    What you do for your family IS THE RIGHT thing because it works for YOU. Don’t listen to noise by others, they always will be different. If it works – it is right. If you chose to breastfeed but only last one day – YOU ARE A SUCCESSFUL breastfeeding mama. Your love created a beautiful child and your love will guide you to do the right things for your family.

    I don’t know why “mommy club” makes it hard for other mothers – it is hard enough already to think about am I teaching the right things, how can I instill better values…embrace each other and support each other. After all it certainly takes a village!!!

  • Padme Amidala

    Great post, I can relate. Thank you for writing this, your words are very validating of my own feelings among mom groups. Hugs to you, you are awesome and how you choose to parent is your business.

  • Katie L

    Great post Olga!
    We should always look at other mommies and see what we can learn from them, not judge how they do things. I had both my kids natural childbirth with God’s help, and many of my friends had epidural but that doesn’t make me any better mom than my friends are. Even though I had natural, I don’t think everyone supposed to go natural because every women birthing experience and pain tolerance is different.

    So mommies, respect , love, encourage each other! <3 🙂

  • Alena

    Thank you Olga for the post,I really enjoyed reading it, you are so brave😊May God bless you and your family

  • Natalia

    This was a good read with such a powerful message! It is soooo common for women to look down upon, and pity other women who didn’t have a natural birth or who couldn’t breastfeed till their baby turned 1, or who had to return to work full time, or who feed their babies with store-bought baby food. We all strive to do our best but our stories are different, everyone’s circumstances are different, priorities are different. No need to judge, criticize or make other mommy’s feel uncomfortable. Encourage and uplift, help and support!

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