Hi everyone! Today seemed like a good day to check in and give you an update on what’s been going on in my life recently. I am so happy to tell you that I am 17 weeks pregnant right now and getting more and more excited to meet our new baby in March.
Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling any better, quite possibly even worse than in my first trimester, so please understand why I haven’t been posting many new recipes, answering your questions and comments, and have pretty much disappeared from social media.
As you know from my previous post, I had a PICC line put in and get IV fluid infusions every day for 6 hours. I’m still not able to keep much food down. I’ve figured out that I feel a lot better if I don’t eat, LOL. Of course, there are the downsides of weakness, losing weight and stressing out that the baby needs to get nutrients. I do still cook once in a while, the only problem is that it makes me really nauseous and then I can’t eat what I cooked. Last weekend, my sweet husband helped me make a gigantic pot of Chicken Broth and I’m really enjoying sipping on it throughout the day. We made it really concentrated and I also added a whole bunch of veggies to it, so at least I’m getting some nutrients in me.
I’ll be honest, it’s been really hard lately. I haven’t been able to work for awhile and don’t have any energy at all. I’m a task oriented person by nature, so it’s very difficult for me to not be able to check things off my to do list. It’s torture for me to just lay around in bed or on the couch, but I feel so awful most of the time, that I don’t even have the energy to mope about it too much.
In addition to all of that, last weekend, I ended up being hospitalized, since I got a blood clot in my arm where I have the PICC line. Blood clots are a risk if you have a central line, and since my protein levels are very low, that put me at an even higher risk. I am so thankful that I didn’t have to be hospitalized any longer and got to go home on the second day. Even though I am really glad to be home and thankful that it wasn’t anything serious, I now have to get shots twice a day for the next 3 months, or possibly for the rest of the pregnancy. NOT fun.
Anyway, I just wanted to be honest and fill you in. It really helps to have an incredibly supportive and loving husband, who takes amazing care of me. There’s also a wonderful outcome out to all of this. This time, with all the IVs, poking, hospitals and doctors, I at least have something great to look forward to. I know it’s only temporary and I will be back to my normal self before long. I can’t be pregnant forever, and I’m almost half way there.
There are 4 things that I’ve discovered that help me when I feel discouraged:
1. Don’t beat myself up about feeling down.
As human beings living in an imperfect world, there are both good days and bad days. I have to realize that sometimes it’s ok to cry and feel discouraged. Dark days are part of life and that’s normal. As long as I don’t wallow in self pity and depression for too long, it’s ok to have a good cry now and then, like last weekend when I was ordered by my doctor to go to the hospital. Beating yourself up about not staying positive 100% of the time is discouraging and tiring in itself. Besides, it’s not realistic.
2. Don’t expose myself to negative people, media, books, etc.
I’m sure most people are very caring and don’t mean to be malicious in their comments. They probably don’t even realize how much their words can hurt. I’ve had to learn to shield myself from it as much as I can, especially when I am very vulnerable. That is not the time to try to stay strong.
Talk to people who are encouraging and will lift your spirits. When you are strong and feel good emotionally, then you can try to be an encouragement to others, but don’t try to be a hero when you’re weak yourself. It will only make you feel worse. I just talked to both my Dad and Mom on the phone yesterday, and they were so positive, that I felt ready to tackle the world and especially to work hard and take care of our precious baby for the next five months.
3. Don’t compare myself to others. It’s so easy for me to have a pity party if I compare myself to others and wish that I was “normal”. Why can’t I just enjoy my pregnancy like other people? Why do I have to go through so much every day? I wish I was a normal wife to my husband and he didn’t have to come home from work tired and still have to help out with housework and have to know how to manage all my medical care.
Sergi could pass all the Nursing Skills tests with flying colors because he’s practiced them all on me. Sterile dressing changes, hooking up IV fluids, flushing PICC lines, giving shots – piece of cake! That’s not counting all the other stuff he had to learn 7 years ago when I was in much worse shape. I love that he is so smart and we can be mostly self sufficient. The home health nurse only comes once a week to get my bloodwork for labs, but it would be so much better if I didn’t need any of it at all.
I wish I could make dinner like usual, have a clean home and go out on fun dates with my husband instead. Sergi reminds me that this is “our normal”. Yes. It is. That is why it’s so important to NOT compare myself to others and instead count all of my blessings and realize how awesome it is that I am alive and doing so well. That green monster can just get out of my house, because the comparison game is too costly for my emotional and spiritual frame of mind.
4. Remember all of God’s promises and all that He has done for me already.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits” Psalm 103:1,2
It’s incredible for me to think back to everything that I’ve already been through and see how God miraculously saved my life and gave us the strength to endure everything that was happening. He has been with us through much more horrific circumstances and He will be with us every step of the way now too. We are so thankful for our miracle baby and I thank God every day for modern medicine and knowledgable physicians.
Thank you for all your prayers and your care and concern! We really appreciate it.
In other exciting news, Sergi and I DO know the gender of our baby! We found out much sooner than most, because I’ve had to be monitored much more often to make sure the baby was developing properly. Thanks to the grace of God, the baby is growing perfectly. Even though we didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, it’s very special to know who it is. I think we can connect to the baby much more now. We even have a name picked out. We had a fun gender reveal party for our family and got it on video too:). We are keeping it a secret for now, but will share it with all of you soon.